Friday, November 28, 2008

My Husband’s Aunt Stole My Silver Shoes



I had decided to wear a funky dress to dinner this year with my husband’s family. A brown linen number with turquoise tights and these kicky burnished high heel silver shoes. If I say it myself, they were smoking hot. Now, I knew these would be uncomfortable after a while. As high heels often are. And I am willing to pay that price to be fabulous. Beside, this was just holiday dinner with the judgmental family, so I didn’t have to bother being cool all night since they were not going to notice my efforts anyway. When they hurt I would take them off. Simple. Well, not long after arriving Auntie G. came over to me and told me, in a very concerned tone, that my those shoes were just too high for me. I needn’t try so hard anymore. Why, she had given up heels years ago, (she's in her late sixties!) pointing out her sensible flats to me. “What size are your feet any way,” she asked? “Ah, their a size 6,” I answed. “Well, then I should give you all of my old ones since you insisted on wearing heels.” She said, as floated away in search of another relative to chat up. After about an hour I gave up and took off the painful, yet wonderful shoes, thinking I would put them back on after a rest for my toes. I went to grab a glass of wine when someone tapped me on my shoulder. There was my Auntie G standing in my silver shoes! Look at me! She sang out in a sweet baby like voice, as she twirled. “Oh Auntie you look great” I said. I tried to mean it. I really did. I mean so what if she wanted to try them on for a minute. Sure she had just told me I shouldn’t wear them and should be over this silly phase by now. But maybe she way giving heels a second thought. Changing her mind. Maybe I wasn't too old to be glamourous. Maybe even she wasn't too old to be glamourous. Auntie then said across the room so everyone could hear. Wow, Bev, These shoes are really big. Are your feet this big? Well, Gee, Auntie they’re a 6# and I’m a 6# and they fit me. So if 6# has suddenly become a giant size that I don’t know about, yeah I guess they could be big. Bitch. No, I didn’t say that, I did said, well you’re your just such a petite elfin creature, Auntie G. they must seem so to you! So, anyway an hour later she takes them off! Then comes over to tell me my shoes really are very uncomfortable. I should probably never wear them again. They might damage my feet. So let me get this straight. First my shoes made me look like I was trying to hard. Then they were worth stealing for over an hour and pointing out to the room that she looked better in them but was really too small for them. And when she was done the shoes in the end were not good enough for her. I know I am whining. But I am just trying to vent enough to take a deep breath. So that I can remember… Pearls before swine. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t wear pearls. It just means you shouldn’t mind when the swine try your pearls on and act foolish.

6 comments:

Ana said...

And just so everyone knows, the ACTUAL shoes Bev wore were 10 times cooler than the ones in the photo... I mean, if I wasn't a gigantic 7 1/2, I would have stolen them two nights ago.

Eva said...

Those shoes look amazing and you showed great restraint! Here, have another piece of pie...

Beverly Hamilton Wenham said...

I love you guys, I feel much better!

Beverly Hamilton Wenham said...

I just reread that. Spell check much? Ugh! Mornings are not good for me. I'll fix it after a nap. Ugh!

Im HOT said...

I love a good in-law Thanksgiving dinner story and this one didn't disappoint. I would have liked a bit more drinking and crying. Oh, and make sure you order those Jimmy Choos from Bluefly.com soon so they will be in for Christmas dinner.

And don't worry about spell check Bev, it only adds to your charm.

Beverly Hamilton Wenham said...

Dearest IM HOT sometimes I think only you truly understand me. For Christmas I'll be the one drinking more. In my really high heels!